Meme's stuff

I had a dream about McKenzie again last night. This frequently happens. I think I just cannot get my mind wrapped around the fact that she is gone. I often dream that I am explaining to someone I know who McKenzie was - what she was like, and how I feel about her being taken away so suddenly and unnecessarily. So I was visiting an old friend. Fixing her battery (I know, weird), and talking about Kenzie. And I could see her as plain as day. I could feel her self-confidence and slick smile. I was telling my friend about her self-assured air and easy smile. And I missed her. And I miss her. I woke up realizing, for the millionith time, that I not only miss her, I miss what the future would have been with her here. I miss doing things with her as an older child. I miss messing with her mind as only Meme could. I miss her quick an confident come-backs. I will miss watching her grow into a teenager and young woman. I will miss watching her struggle to become her own independant adult. I will miss watching her and Shaelyn as they grow TOGETHER and continue thier strong bond as sisters. I miss McKenzie. And every day the district attorney's office takes to decide if they have the courage and moral rightness enough to charge the person responsible for her death it takes more of my mental and psychological energy away. I NEED that energy. I need it to keep myself together, and to help support McKenzie's mother and sister. If there is an enemy coming right at you with a gun, and you have a gun pointed at that enemy, then it's fair game. If you have several enemies coming at you from different directions, all pointing a gun at you, then your chances of survivial are slim pickings. Not a lot can be done about the fact that McKenzie has been killed. She's enjoying God's grace. BUT, something CAN be done about the rightful consequences regarding the person who killed her. Will that bring Kenzie home? Of course not. Will that relieve some of the pressure of my enemy's guns pointing at me. You bet your ass.

Meme's stuff

Classic "blame the victim". I'm not surprised. Several people have called and/or written Mr. Beeson's office. Thank you all for that. Now, more and more, Faith is being treated "cooly". So this morning I advised her to retain an attorney. I was at the annual UT Crime Victim Conference last week and attended a session on the media and crime. The fellow presenting stated that advocates should advise clients to obtain an attorney when dealing with the media. Well, this Mom has advised her daughter that when dealing with a district attorney's office that is giving her the message that they "can't proceed forward until AFTER they interview" Faith to get an attorney. That way her rights as a victim will be protected and her anxiety as a Mom who simply wants justice for her dead daughter will hopefully be reduced. Sad state this case is in, when SO much is on Faith and NONE is on "THE BABYSITTER" which, for some reason WAY beyond me, we "shouldn't" mention by name. Whatever. I just find it SO interesting that as more pressure is on the district attorney's office, more pressure is being put on Faith by that office, instead of where it SHOULD be put on. We aren't backing off people. ONE person is responsible for McKenzie's death. ONE PERSON. I think about what all crime victim advocates know: that is cases, such as rape, blaming the victim is so classic; when in fact perpetrators LOOK for vulnerable victims. Daaaa!!! What an enlightened age we live in. So I say put MORE pressure on getting to the bottom of this case. Not less. Yes, it costs Faith EVEN more to protect her rights, but so be it. It will take what it will take and we are READY TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES.

Justice for McKenzie

Martin Beeson. District Attorney. Ninth Judicial District (Colorado). 109 8th Street, Sutie 308; Glenwood Springs, CO 81601. Email: mbeeson@9daco.org. Phone: (970) 945-8635. Contact Mr. Beeson. Share your thoughts about this case. Justice for McKenzie!

Shaelyn is amazing

My daughter is amazing. Yesterday Shaelyn busted her knee hardcore. She was headed down to city market with her best friend and her best friends older sister. Shaelyn was speeding down the hillside and went to turn and crashed hard. She had a cellphone, but instead of calling to ask me to pick her up.... she got up and made her trip to City Market.

I guess this means so much to me because I realized how much Shaelyn has grown in this terrible time. She is living for every moment to the fullest. And that poor kid, I am so protective. Shaelyn understands though, she is angry at that person that took her sisters life. She has a better understanding of everything because she was there. I just am so impressed with her and the strength she has shown through all of this. She still plays with her sister, but in her own way. One way is: She will go out to the trailer where Mckenzies things are and grab some things. She will play with them, talking to her sister in the sky. When she is done, she puts them back and closes the trailer. Its her time with Mckenzie. She wants to honor her and keep her alive in her own way. It is pretty amazing.

I am grateful she is still alive. From what she has said her life has been put in danger with medication that she did not require. How could anyone do that to those girls that clammed to love them I will never understand. The girls used to complain about going over there because "Aunt ****" was mean to them. I thought that she was just strict. I think back now and I realize that every time they were there, it took a day for the girls to be themselves when they came home. Thank god for Laci, or I would of never put two and two together and **** would of had access to Shaelyn for weeks after. I really thought she would never abuse or hurt the girls. How wrong was I, no she didn't slap my kids or beat them, she made them sick so she could be the "mommy".

Anyway, my sweet Shaelyn has taught me so much in this journey. Not to give up is something both my kids are counting on. To remember that just because Mckenzie was stolen from us, it is only in body form..... as the play kitchen set is going off outside with no one out there yep that's my zee.............. That there is justice and it is in a 10 year olds voice, it with perfect strangers reaching out that have children and it is there biggest fear too, and it is in my fight for my daughter who didn't deserve to die. I love my children and I won't stop until the women that caused them so much harm is in prison.

What kind of person

What kind of person doesn't have remorse for overdosing a innocent 6-year-old? What kind of person waits to call 911? What kind of person gives a non asthmatic- Shaelyn- Albuterol treatments? What kind of person MAKES children sick so they can feel better about themselves? What kind of person tells you that they love you and respect you as a mother, then kills your 6 year old with one of the 5 medications that she went out of her way to give to a little girl that wasn't sick? I will tell you, a sick person, a person that is meant to be locked away where she can't harm another child. And its not me that is going to make a difference in weather or not she goes to jail. Oh no, there is another innocent voice that wants to see that MURDERER put away. A little girl that lost her sister. My daughter has nightmares about this women giving her medication. She remember each time that she gave her Albuterol. Mind you she doesn't have Asthma or anything close to Asthma related issues. She can tell of each time she was given adult Benzedrine. She can tell of each time she was given any medication. And she knows that her"Aunt" didn't call her Mommy to ask. That isn't the worst part, oh no, when it comes to taking Mckenzie, Shaelyn has nightmares that her "Aunt" is coming to take her. Like the big bad wolf.... So yes I hate her for taking Mckenzie..oh yes a hate that the whole community feels, but it is topped with the fact that she also damaged me sweet Shaelyn. In the words of my 10 year old... she can't run from GOD...

Meme's stuff

I had such a good talk with Liz/Victim Advocate today. Even working in the "business", as a secondary victim, I forget that Liz is busy. I am VERY good at being ok with the fact that I am Faith's mom, and that's my FIRST job!!! Liz was great. She informed me about what she could. Sometimes, even when there's "nothing happening", something's happening because we are being told SOMETHING - even if it's "nothing's happening". Just having an opportunity to talk to Liz and VENT was something. Thank you Liz. Being reminded that my feelings and reactions are understandable means a great deal. Validation is critical when there's so MUCH grief and pain.

Meme's stuff

Hard morning for Faith. With the investigators reviewing everything and REinterviewing everyone, it just brings the loss of McKenzie to the front, again. It's a necessary step we know. It would have been easier if Faith had been kept informed more fully by the district attorney's office as to what was or wasn't happening and if she had been respected more as a victim in this case. Again, we know this barbaric system of so-called justice is cruel to the innocent and protects the guilty. I haven't encountered anyone who can argue that dynamic. Perhaps the guilty would like to. I'm encouraging Faith to get any and all support she can at this point. I simply don't see how she carries on day after day after day. They wait and wait and now, next week when she has final exams for school, they want to talk to her again. Right.

Meme's stuff

I've tried to reach Liz/Victim Advocate for the past couple of days. Yesterday she had stepped out of the office. Today she just wasn't in. That's not bad, as she DOES have other clients, ect. Problem is, none of us in the family have been able to have a conversation with us. She DID reach Patty by email after Patty had tried to reach her. I just wish this case would move FORWARD. Faith called this afternoon, and it does look like it IS moving. At least the investigators are on it. I wonder if they got wind that the news channel is looking into it? No matter - just get it done already!!!!

Meme's stuff

I was listening to the news this evening. Two little girls died a couple months ago in the Salt Lake City area. It was tragic. An exterminator had spread poison outside of their home and it had seeped into the ground and somehow got into the girls' systems and killed them both. Autopsy back already. TV news had been ON it since it happened. DA was interviewed this evening to explain why no decisions have been made yet regarding charges. I guess TV coverage makes a difference. We were told we would be notified EACH week - EVEN if NOTHING was happening. We haven't. We were told they were going to reinvestigate - no word yet. We were told it shouldn't take more than about 4 weeks to make a decision regarding charges - its been over that. What the hell is going on here? I KNOW people are busy. I also know that Faith and family have had to painfully wait for these things to happen. I was giving a presentation to a bunch of victim advocates today - part of my job believe it or not - and I used this as an example of what NOT to do. Basically, I told the advocates NOT to make promises they can't keep. And even if they mess up - which they WILL do - to CALL the victim and "confess their sins" and get back on track. I reminded them that, for my daughter, what may SEEM like a minor detail - like a simple phone call - is HUGE when you are in that space that Faith is in. So, I WANT to give Mr. DA what time and consideration he needs to do his job - of getting to CHARGES; but, I am getting discouraged with the LACK of movement on this case and the aweful emotional and psychological consequences to my family.

Meme's stuff

I just read Shaelyn's post and her follow-up comment. Yep. That's the essense isn't it. I was driving up to Salt Lake City today - having a nice enough ride. Rocking to the choir as usual. Then, out of the blue, I deeply missed McKenzie. I cried. I couldn't touch the depth of my sorrow. I just miss her. I miss our future with her. I am trying to put my best Christian foot forward. That has saved me I'm sure. BUT, I haven't forgiven. AND, I so believe that there is someone responsible for this and that one's actions have consequences. In this case, I believe the babysitter's actions should have legal consequences, as well as other natural consequences. I was thinking about that on my ride. I so hope, and pray, that no other family has to go through what our family is going through because of this person. I believe she is evil. That's just MY belief. I'm entitled. We WILL go forward as a family. We WILL love each other through this. We WILL fight for justice. We WANT to be patient. We WANT to believe that the county attorney's office is on it. They SAY they are. I know it takes time. BUT.

To day i miss mckenzie more than ever!Im her sister and miss her so much!

McKenzie Photo Album

I like this picture. It was taken on Mckenzie's birthday. What a great day that was. Kenzie was full of it, but in a sweet way. I just wanted to take advantage of picture time, and am I glad I did! Here's Meme, Mommy, Shaelyn and Mckenzie.

A Case of Justice

Baby sitter, 21, convicted in death of 2-year-old Portsmouth boy in 2005


By Janie Bryant The Virginian-Pilot © March 15, 2008 PORTSMOUTH

By the time 2-year-old Koby Stewart Jr. was taken to the hospital on Oct. 6, 2005, he was seizing and unconscious. Doctors tried to save him, but the injury that caused swelling to his brain ultimately ended in his death. Eight days later, the toddler was taken off life support. On Friday, a jury decided Shawntisha Gatling, the woman who had been Koby’s baby sitter since he was an infant, was guilty of involuntary manslaughter. Jurors recommended a sentence of seven years. She will be formally sentenced by a judge in May. The week Koby was injured, he had been staying with Gatling, 21, and her boyfriend, Robert Waddler. Waddler, who is charged with felony child neglect in connection with Koby’s death, testified that the toddler had fallen off a bed and hit his head on the frame that week. He said he also walked into a door. But a medical examiner said during the four-day trial in Portsmouth Circuit Court that the child died of inflicted brain injury. Two pediatricians at the Children’s Hospital of The King’s Daughters, one who specializes in critical care and another in child abuse, testified that a 2-year-old would not have the ability to create the kind of force it would take to cause the injury that killed him. A defense witness, a longtime medical examiner now working as a consultant, testified that a lesser impact could have led to the injury. But Deputy Commonwealth’s Attorney Douglas B. Ottinger said the doctors who had testified for the prosecution had actually seen the child before and after he died and had more information in reaching their conclusions. What happened to Koby was “done to him,” Ottinger said. Defense attorneys had argued there was nothing but circumstantial evidence. “Nobody knows what happened,” said Jay Normile, one of two defense attorneys. They also argued there was no way of knowing when it happened. One of the pediatricians testified that the impact of the injury that led to Koby’s death would have been noticeable within minutes to hours. He would not act normal or be able to walk, talk or eat, another pediatrician said. A woman who knew Gatling testified she saw her walking with the child on the afternoon of the day he was taken to the hospital. Gatling’s boyfriend testified he had talked to the child on the phone during a break at work about the same time. When he got home from work, he said, Gatling was trying, but unable, to wake up Koby . Waddler said she smoked a cigarette and paced as he tried to get the child up. Koby’s mother, Cyntrya Pete, 25, was called to come and get him. By the time Pete got the child to the hospital, he was not breathing. Two years later, she has little but family photos to show the dimpled smile of a little boy who seemed to trust the world. When he died, Koby left that world much more than he had received. A little bit of Koby goes on in the lives of four children and one adult who received his donated organs. Pete said she got a letter from the mother of one of the children, a little girl who had waited at least two years for a transplant. But she credited Koby’s father with making the decision. They had both experienced the pain of watching Koby slip away. “They did everything they could for my son,” said Koby Stewart Sr., 34, of Pennsylvania. Stewart said he wanted to think if a transplant would have saved Koby’s life, someone would have done the same for them.

Mckenzie's Celebration

What Grandma Patty had to say: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TfJCsOVqwo

Mckenzie's Celebration

What Angie had to say: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dD_e0qR5zUU

Mckenzie's Celebration

What Sadie had to say: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMDm5RbS4X0