Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Meme's stuff
I had a dream about McKenzie again last night. This frequently happens. I think I just cannot get my mind wrapped around the fact that she is gone. I often dream that I am explaining to someone I know who McKenzie was - what she was like, and how I feel about her being taken away so suddenly and unnecessarily. So I was visiting an old friend. Fixing her battery (I know, weird), and talking about Kenzie. And I could see her as plain as day. I could feel her self-confidence and slick smile. I was telling my friend about her self-assured air and easy smile. And I missed her. And I miss her. I woke up realizing, for the millionith time, that I not only miss her, I miss what the future would have been with her here. I miss doing things with her as an older child. I miss messing with her mind as only Meme could. I miss her quick an confident come-backs. I will miss watching her grow into a teenager and young woman. I will miss watching her struggle to become her own independant adult. I will miss watching her and Shaelyn as they grow TOGETHER and continue thier strong bond as sisters. I miss McKenzie. And every day the district attorney's office takes to decide if they have the courage and moral rightness enough to charge the person responsible for her death it takes more of my mental and psychological energy away. I NEED that energy. I need it to keep myself together, and to help support McKenzie's mother and sister. If there is an enemy coming right at you with a gun, and you have a gun pointed at that enemy, then it's fair game. If you have several enemies coming at you from different directions, all pointing a gun at you, then your chances of survivial are slim pickings. Not a lot can be done about the fact that McKenzie has been killed. She's enjoying God's grace. BUT, something CAN be done about the rightful consequences regarding the person who killed her. Will that bring Kenzie home? Of course not. Will that relieve some of the pressure of my enemy's guns pointing at me. You bet your ass.
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